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Biden Outlines Renewable Energy Plan To Invade Mt. Olympus And Steal Aeolus’ Bag Of Wind

WASHINGTON—Pledging to finally end America’s reliance on fossil fuels, Biden held a press conference Friday to outline the centerpiece of his renewable energy plan to invade Mt. Olympus and steal the mythic bag of wind from the God Aeolus. “We know that climate change is real, and we must combat this existential threat by raiding the home of the ancient Gods and stealing their magical treasures,” said Biden, explaining that the fabled ox-hide bag containing the winds Boreas, Notos, and Euros would be able to power many of the administration’s proposed green energy projects. “This is only the beginning of our ambitious climate agenda, which also includes investments in solar panels jumpstarted by pilfering Helios’ golden chariot as well as exploring the feasibility of geothermal energy if we’re successfully able to kidnap Hephestus.” At press time, Biden’s energy plan had run into a snag after a crew of offshore wind farm technicians had been transformed into swine by an island sorceress.

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