WASHINGTON—Overcome with guilt and grief, Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) announced Monday that he was reversing his stance on abolishing the filibuster following his son’s recent diagnosis with filibuster disease. “After witnessing the debilitating effects of the filibuster firsthand, I now realize how terribly wrong I was to oppose abolishing it,” said Manchin, whose eyes filled with tears as he described the long nights he had spent in the past weeks watching his son standing and pontificating for hours on end. “I used to think the filibuster was necessary for a healthy Senate. Now, I see it leads to nothing but back pain, dehydration, and chronic tedium that can take a toll on everyone within earshot. I’m so, so sorry for everything I’ve said in the past, and I hope those still opposing filibuster reform wake up and realize that filibuster disease is something that can happen to anyone.” At press time, Manchin announced he had donated $1 million in his son’s name to researching Rule 22.