Man Shocked To Learn Environmental Impact Of Eating One Hamburger While Driving Bulldozer Through The Amazon

MANAUS, PERU—Citing concerns such as carbon emissions and deforestation, area man Pete Weingardt was reportedly shocked Friday after learning about the environmental impact of eating a single hamburger while driving a bulldozer through the Amazon. “You don’t really think about the consequences, but even something as simple as enjoying a standard burger while plowing a 150-ton dozer through acres of old-growth forest has a damaging effect on the world around us,” said Weingardt, noting that the outcome was even more devastating when accounting for the napkins, straws, and wrappers he was tossing onto the corpses of squashed tapirs and spider monkeys. “I hate to say it, but even now that I know about all the harm, I’m probably not going to give up this lifestyle entirely. But I suppose even just taking a break from meat now and then while I let the bulldozer idle in a clearing can make a big difference.” At press time, Weingardt had committed to setting aside one day a week where he would only eat seafood while ramming a boat into the Great Barrier Reef.


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