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We Have Stumbled Upon A Dumpster Full Of Used Crutches

If you’ve always dreamt of being a treasure hunter discovering an ancient cache of riches in a remote cave or at the bottom of the ocean, here’s something that’s sure to get your adrenaline pumping: We have stumbled upon a dumpster full of used crutches.

That’s right, folks. We hit the jackpot.

Earlier today, we were hanging out behind an old Great Clips that’s being torn down when we noticed that the dumpster a couple buildings down appeared to be overflowing with crutches. Surely our eyes are deceiving us, we thought, as the idea of someone throwing away a stockpile of perfectly good crutches seemed truly unfathomable. But our nagging explorer spirit got the best of us, and we decided to take a closer look.

What we saw next absolutely took our breath away.

Amidst the garbage bags and wads of old electrical wire was a veritable Holy Grail of discarded medical equipment: a glorious bouquet of over a dozen crutches, grimy yet totally usable, sitting right there for the taking. Adult crutches, children’s crutches, even the kind of crutches with the cuffs that your arms go in—all the crutches you could ever dream of, bursting from the dumpster like the mythical treasure of a long-forgotten king, shimmering majestically in the golden morning sun.  

It really seemed too good to be true. After all, who in their right mind would abandon such an extraordinary wealth of crutches? Could this be some kind of trap? Like, outside of some of the rubber parts of the crutches that go into your armpit being repaired with duct tape and a few of the crutches being singles, this is top-notch, primo shit. We’re not exactly sure what a crutch goes for on eBay, but there are so many of them here that it would probably really add up. Could be a serious payday. Whoever ditched this fortune of crutches behind this abandoned Great Clips really shit the bed.

Oh well, their loss. God has truly blessed us!

If finding this dumpster filled to the brim with used crutches has taught us anything, it’s that dreams can and do come true, and we pray that this will inspire you all to never give up hope. If a once-in-a-lifetime discovery like this can happen to us, it can happen to anyone. So just hang in there, and hopefully one day you can all experience the unparalleled joy of wading waist-deep in a pile of crutches in a dumpster and then loading them into your Volkswagen Golf.

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